Written to the prompt H is for Hotel
Hotel Can’taffordmore
On a dark dual carriageway, cool wind in my hair,
Warm smell – sugar beet dust – rising up through the air.
Up ahead in the distance, I saw a flickering light;
I’d worked my hours to the max that day, I had to stop for the night.
There she stood in reception, like she’d given up all hope;
I was thinking to myself, how long’s it been since she used soap?
Then she blew me a smoke ring and she handed me my key;
Sticky carpet down the corridor, and it smelled of wee.
Welcome to the Hotel Can’taffordmore
Such a ghastly place (such a ghastly place)
Such a ghastly space
Plenty of room at the Hotel Can’taffordmore
Any time of year (any time of year)
People hate it here
The place was def’nitely listing: it had bad rising damp –
It came up past the sockets and I daren’t switch on the lamp.
Strange stains on the bedding, a strong smell of sweat;
There’s hairs in the plughole and the towels are wet.
So I called up room service for a sandwich and some wine;
He said, ‘We haven’t had a licence here since 1939.’
This place is all I can stretch to – I can’t pay more,
So I’ll sleep here fully clothed tonight with my case by the door.
Welcome to the Hotel Can’taffordmore
Such a ghastly place (such a ghastly place)
Such a ghastly space
I’m slumming it down at the Hotel Can’taffordmore
Not the nicest room (not the nicest room)
Will I meet my doom?
Bootprints on the ceiling, dried blood on the wall;
I wondered what had happened here and who I should call.
What went on in this chamber? Something awful I bet;
I didn’t want to find out what, in case I couldn’t forget…
Last thing I remember, I was running back outside;
I couldn’t wait to get away – kicked the door open wide.
‘Oi mate!’ said Reception, ‘will you leave us a review
And recommend us to your friends so they can do like you and
Come stay at the Hotel Can’taffordmore?’
Hardly likely mate (hardly likely mate)
Most unlikely mate
Plenty of room at the Hotel Can’taffordmore
Any time of year (any time of year)
People hate it here
© Carol Carman 2024
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