Written to the prompt I is for Impress
Who Did You Say You Were?
When we met you’d do the odd impression,
Which made me laugh, I will say that, it’s true;
All our friends said it was super
When you did your Tommy Cooper
And then, your repertoire just grew and grew.
You did Sir Terry Wogan and Pierce Brosnan,
Antonio Banderas, Meryl Streep;
In an effort to amuse
You did Tom Hanks and then Tom Cruise
And both so bad they almost made me weep.
Even at our wedding you insisted
On doing your impressions for the crowd;
Should have left you at the altar
When you did your John Travolta
And the Kevins: Costner, Bacon and McCloud
You mimicked more and more; and soon I noticed
You disappeared in each one you’d perform.
David Attenborough, Wayne Rooney,
Lulu, Maggie Smith, George Clooney,
Your funny voices had become the norm.
I told you Billy Joel was off-limits
Because, you know – I am a massive fan.
But, no; you put me through it,
You had to go and do it –
The world’s worst version of ‘Piano Man’.
I really hated calling on the phone ’cos
I never knew who’d answer when I’d call:
David Bowie, Mary Berry,
Graham Norton, Bryan Ferry,
Andy Murray, Paul McGann or Michael Ball.
Your Ronan Keating stirred my soul to violence;
My fists clenched when you did Kylie Minogue;
And you nearly were a goner
When you showed me your Madonna:
Curly blonde wig, bright red lipstick and you’d ‘Vogue’.
Alan Titchmarsh, Ian Hislop and James Corden
Your mimicry was now well out of hand;
Things started getting weird
When you did Dame Mary Beard
That’s when I knew I had to take a stand.
I begged you to get help but you refused to;
At that point I began to lose my hope.
Judi Dench, Tom Jones, Prince Harry,
Amy Winehouse and Jim Carrey
You did them all and I just couldn’t cope.
I tried to stop your Sting and Dolly Parton
Down at the local karaoke bar;
I tried to have my say
When you sang like Doris Day
But you just told me, ‘Que Sera, Sera.’
You’re not the man I married, we both know this;
And that’s why I’ve a taxi at the door.
I am leaving ’cos you’ve changed
And we have become estranged:
I just don’t know who you are any more.
© Carol Carman 2024
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