Oh, the irony. This poem, for Carol Carman’s Writing Club, Prompt: V is for Vehicle, was written well before the 19th of January, when something went wrong in our car engine which meant I coudn’t get to the BBC studios on the 20th to present the poem in person.
There was something amiss in my engine: a new water pump needed, I thought;
I booked my car into the garage – for a service, a see-to and sort.
The message came back from the garage: your water pump’s fine – working well –
And your motor now waits on our forecourt, it’s running as sound as a bell.
I picked up the car on the way home, smiling broadly I drove her away,
But with every new junction I paused at, my cheerfulness turned to dismay.
The engine would gallop when idling; the rev counter climbed ever higher;
No pressure applied to the pedal, but the driver began to perspire.
When driving along, it was normal and you’d never think something was wrong;
As soon as I stopped at a junction, I heard the familiar song.
With something amiss in my engine, I went to the garage again;
Explaining the problem in detail, I left her with capable men.
The message came from the mechanics: ‘We’ve done all we possibly can
But your car needs more specialist knowledge – call in a more technical man.’
I picked up my car and I booked in the ‘Home Engine Tuners’ next day.
He came with his lights and his testers, his leads and his laser display.
For over an hour he tested, he prodded and poked and I winced;
He tried to keep me optimistic, but frankly, I wasn’t convinced.
At last he delivered the verdict: it wasn’t good news, I’m afraid;
I needed more work on my engine – more garage bills had to be paid.
There was something amiss in my engine: the distributor drive shaft to blame –
Since taking it into the garage, my rev rate has not been the same.
I rang for spares so many scrappers (a new spare part out of my league)
It was a race between me and the engine which one of us died of fatigue.
The last man I rang then informed me, in drastic tones, making me blue –
‘Be cheaper to change the whole engine’ – so that’s what I then had to do.
How foolish to think that would solve things – and this cuts me straight to the heart –
’Cos now I’ve a shiny new engine, my bodywork’s falling apart!
Carol Carman
