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Poem: My Home Gym
I built myself a home gym so I could exercise, Replace my fat with muscle and tone my flabby thighs. My bingo wings I’d banish, my posture would improve, My body would be sculpted – how gracefully I’d move! I’d be so fit and agile, a marathon I’d run And maybe then I’d do a…
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Happy Publication Day for Sticky Ends!
We here at McCaw Press are very happy to announce that it’s publication day for Carol Carman’s new book Sticky Ends! A collection of comic poems featuring possessed gnashers, unstoppable shoppers, serial killer brides, crossword fanatics, telly addicts, a lonely school reunion, a bunch of drunks and the world’s worst outing to Blackpool. Carol Carman…
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Memoir poem: The Silence Of Saturday Teatime
Every week my dad would write His Xs in the column: A ritual time-honoured, Almost sacred, always solemn. He diligently worked out – well, I say ‘worked out’, he guessed Which teams would win or lose or draw, Whose score would be the best. On Friday evening at the door The coupon man would be;…
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Poem: Something Amiss in My Engine
There was something amiss in my engine: a new water pump needed, I thought; I booked my car into the garage – for a service, a see-to and sort. The message came back from the garage: your water pump’s fine – working well – And your motor now waits on our forecourt, it’s running as…
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Poem: Not An Inch Of Space
My daughter’s bedroom’s full of toys – There’s not an inch of space. And so I thought I’d clear some out And give them to a place Of charity, where others might Then take them home for play And raise a bit of money for A good cause on the way.
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Poem: Have A Look In The Chemist’s
We don’t just do prescriptions – we’ve many other things – We’ve pick-me-ups and calm-me-downs, we’ve bandages and slings. There’s ointment for your skin, hay fever tablets by the score; Warming creams and cooling gels for muscles feeling sore. We’ve syrups and we’ve powders to help with ’flu and cough; Body-building pills if you can…
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Poem: Tickets, Please
The stadium holds 64,000 Two tickets was all I desired To go see my favourite musician For the last time before he retired. I desperately wanted those tickets; I’ve been a fan many long years I knew that if I couldn’t get them I’d most likely end up in tears. There was only one way…
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Poem: Getting In
He tried password – it didn’t work; He tried 1234. He tried his place of birth but got No further than before. He tried his mother’s maiden name, His father’s mother’s too; He tried his first pet – and his last – But still it wouldn’t do.
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Poem: Eat Your Heart Out
When we planned our kitchen, my husband said to me: ‘Get it how you want it – it’s the only chance there’ll be…’ I took him at his word and let my credit card run free And now I have a kitchen which teems with gadgetry… My kitchen’s the equivalent of my old man’s garden…
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Poem: This Is The Jewel
This is the jewel you held to the light To waken its soul for a wide-eyed young child; You kept me enthralled with your tales of its travels Through kingdoms fought over by warriors wild. This gem had been kept in a cave by a wise witch And countless the times it was borrowed and…