Poem: On Being Offered A Lift

Written to the prompt D is for Drive

On Being Offered A Lift

Thank you for the offer but I’d rather catch the bus.

I know it’s less convenient but please don’t make a fuss.

You want to know the reason why? Sit down, I’ll tell you true:

I’d rather walk to where I’m going than get in a car with you…

Because…

Your driving puts me in a state of constant agitation;

Your attitude is ‘Speed limits are there for decoration;

You don’t think the Highway Code applies to you at all;

Your driving’s driving me up the wall.

You never let another driver out when at a junction;

I’m not entirely sure your indicators even function;

You do not seem to know that you can use the inside lane;

Your driving’s driving me insane.

You don’t give way at roundabouts, just pull out when you like;

You can almost touch the cyclist when you overtake a bike;

Behind the wheel you seem to think there is no need to think;

Your driving’s driving me to drink.

You disregard the consequences of your every action;

The way you drive, there’s half a chance we’ll both end up in traction.

So please let me catch the bus – I’ll gladly pay the fare;

Your driving’s driving me to despair

You think the rear-view mirror’s there to hang air-fresheners on;

Wing mirrors are redundant ’cos you don’t use either one;

I’m sure you don’t know stopping distance really does exist;

You never put your lights on in the fog or in the mist;

You go too fast and much too close to others as you drive;

Whenever you give me a lift, I pray I’ll stay alive.

And though I like to think that I’m no man’s – or woman’s – fool,

I’ll never understand how come you own a driving school.

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