Written to the prompt K is for Kitchen
Eat Your Heart Out
When we planned our kitchen, my husband said to me:
‘Get it how you want it – it’s the only chance there’ll be…’
I took him at his word and let my credit card run free
And now I have a kitchen which teems with gadgetry…
My kitchen’s the equivalent of my old man’s garden shed.
My pride and joy is my machine that makes all kinds of bread.
Plus machines for making yoghurt, smoothies, pies, ice-cream;
A waffle iron, popcorn maker – I’m living the dream!
I can roll fresh pasta, coffee beans I’ll grind,
My tin-opener’s electric and artfully designed.
I have a snazzy blow torch for browning crème brulees
I’ve ravioli cutters that I’ll use one of these days
I have a citrus juicer, an avocado scoop,
Olive stoner, stick blender and thing for making soup;
My food processor slices, dices, whips, creams, folds and blends.
I’ve got a special peeler that does carrots juliennes
I’ve got pastry crimpers, a fab plate-warming drawer,
And there’s more equipment behind this cupboard door.
I can peel, core, spiralise
Right before your very eyes,
And I have a mandoline
To get my slices ever so thin;
I can sauté, stew and sear
Chop an onion with no tear!
Less-fat grill – that’s the just the job!
I love my induction hob,
Slow- and pressure-cookers and
A sandwich toaster’s close at hand.
I’ve a drawer for proving dough,
A griddle, skillet, wok and oh,
I’ve got everything you need –
I can even cook sous-vide.
I can air fry, stir fry, deep fry;
I can poach and steam and roast;
I can char your vegetables
But never, ever, burn your toast.
I hadn’t seen hubby for ages
He was probably out in his shed
Fixing some garden equipment
Or planning a new raised bed.
I thought I would take him a cuppa
And maybe a biscuit or two
And so I set off up the garden
Which shocked me, I can tell you
The path to the shed was untended,
Mossy, damp, ever so slippy,
On the door of the shed was a note which read:
‘I’ve run off with Sue from the chippy.
I know this’ll come as a shock to you,
And I really don’t mean to be rude,
But though she may not
Have the gadgets you’ve got,
She actually does make some food.’
© Carol Carman 2024
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