Written to the prompt of M is for Music
You Can’t Call It Music
(or The Von Trapp Family Member That No-one Talks About)
It’s something special, I know, and I don’t want to bore,
But I guarantee that you’ve heard nothing like me before.
But I have a talent – unusual thing –
‘Cause everyone shudders when I start to sing…
I can scatter a crowd;
People pray that I don’t sing out loud.
And they say
You can’t call it music, we’re begging, pleading –
Stop it now, our ears are bleeding.
We can live without it and say in all honesty
It’s bad as can be;
You sound much worse than a foghorn at sea
And they say you can’t call it music, whatever it may be
Mother says I was quite tuneless before I could talk;
When I started bawling she’d have to go out for a walk.
The neighbours could hear me and they went out too,
And when Dad came home, the air would turn blue
As he tried his best
To teach me to sing like the rest…
But he said
You can’t call it music, this caterwauling;
Frankly, love, it’s quite appalling.
You can be a dancer, or someone acting in mime –
You’d be sublime –
But, dear, your singing is really a crime,
So I say you can’t call it music, it’s awful every time
I am so lucky,
I am the girl with tuneless voice.
I make a fortune wailing with a punk band:
No big deal if I go out of tune.
You might not call it music, the songs I’m singing,
But for me, it’s joy they’re bringing:
I’m having a great time by yowling loudly off-key,
Proudly off-key,
It’s how I am and how I want to be
And while you’ll never call it music, it means the world to me
And while you’ll never call it music, it’s all the world to me.
© Carol Carman 2024
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