This is an older poem, but updated for the prompt M is for Money
All The Things I Couldn’t Do
A week ago today I got a tax rebate.
A tax rebate? Well, that’s just great!
A week ago today I got a tax rebate
And this is what it said.
It said:
Don’t spend it on the spot,
Don’t blow it on a yacht,
Don’t buy yourself a plane,
Don’t go insane,
Don’t journey into space,
Or have someone lift your face,
Don’t plant any forest pines,
Lay down any vintage wines,
Don’t waste it on a pub,
Don’t buy a football club,
Don’t go to Disneyland,
Don’t fly to Samarkand,
Don’t open up a shop
Or shop until you drop,
Don’t buy a mobile phone,
Don’t give the dog a bone,
Don’t guzzle it in booze,
Don’t splash out on a cruise,
Don’t go bathing in champagne,
Don’t go swanning off to Spain,
Don’t take up a new career
Or liposuction on your rear,
Don’t buy something for your spouse,
Don’t buy a car, don’t buy a house,
Don’t pay off the national debt,
And above all don’t forget…
Don’t get uppity and don’t get shirty:
Your tax rebate’s eight pounds thirty.
© Carol Carman 2025
Like this poem? Fancy buying me a cuppa? I don’t get paid for doing Writing Club, and I know that buying my books isn’t always feasible, but if you’d like to show your appreciation, you can do it by clicking the red ‘Buy me a cuppa?’ button and giving me a tip, you lovely person. The amount is up to you, and you don’t need a PayPal account to do it.
If you’d like me to come and give a talk to your group – I can talk about my writing and my work at the BBC, and I’ve got plenty of comedy poetry to keep you entertained – please email info@mccawmedia.co.uk