Written to the prompt E is for Exercise
My Home Gym
I built myself a home gym so I could exercise,
Replace my fat with muscle and tone my flabby thighs.
My bingo wings I’d banish, my posture would improve,
My body would be sculpted – how gracefully I’d move!
I’d be so fit and agile, a marathon I’d run
And maybe then I’d do a lap of honour just for fun.
I’d bench press and I’d lift weights, I’d row on a machine
I’d drop at least three sizes, I’d be so slim and lean…
I’d build my strength back up again, I’d open jars with ease,
My joints would all be supple with no more creaky knees.
I couldn’t wait to start upon my exercise regime –
As soon as I had finished off a litre of ice-cream.
I couldn’t get the hang of the cross-trainer, not at all;
It soon became a coat stand as it leant against the wall.
I stepped upon the treadmill; it set off at a pace…
My feet just couldn’t keep up and I fell flat on my face.
I got a twisted ankle from the stepper, wouldn’t you know?
I dropped one of the dumbbells and broke my flipping toe.
And my affection for my gym then grew a little colder:
I sat on my machine and rowed and promptly wrenched my shoulder.
My exercise bike folded up quite unexpectedly;
I got three broken fingers and a night in A&E.
My home gym lies unused now through fear of injury;
The doc said join a yoga group – I did, disastrously.
I won’t go into detail, and least said, soonest mended,
But one class I let out a noise that I had not intended
I couldn’t go back after that, I simply couldn’t risk it –
And so I stay at home and have a cuppa and a biscuit.
I sold my gym equipment on a well-known auction site,
And bought a dog and now I’m walking morning, noon and night.
The weight is dropping off me as we run through park and wood,
And I know my dog loves me, which no gym equipment could.
© Carol Carman 2025
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