Tag: comedy

  • Poem: The Lovelorn Candle

    A single lovelorn candle – Smart, petite and bright – Just needed some affection To be a ray of light. To her, love was important, It wasn’t just a game; She didn’t want to end up As somebody’s old flame. She used to date a church candle, Upright, proud, but thick And stank so much…

  • Poem: The Sound Of My Garden

    This is the sound of my garden, A haven of peace and of quiet. Want to relax in a garden? Come round to my house and just try it. Pigeons cooing, cows are mooing, Hedges kept in check with trimmers, Motorbikes and kiddies’ trikes, Lawns are finished off with strimmers.

  • Poem: All The Things I Couldn’t Do

    A week ago today I got a tax rebate. A tax rebate? Well, that’s just great! A week ago today I got a tax rebate And this is what it said. It said: Don’t spend it on the spot, Don’t blow it on a yacht, Don’t buy yourself a plane, Don’t go insane, Don’t journey…

  • Poem: My Neighbour’s Security Light

    My neighbour’s security light shines in my kitchen. It’s saving me electric, but cooking is fraught: With the light going off at inopportune moments My food never tastes quite as good as it ought. I reach for the mixed herbs and, plunged into darkness, I put a good handful in my bolognese I give it…

  • Short Fiction: Dedication Is Key

    Dedication, that’s what it took. Personal achievement, relationships, success – dedication was the key to all of them. As he drummed into his children, you had to work for what you wanted. Year-round he trained, measuring, timing, perfecting his technique, straining to get the best out of his muscles and sinews, heart and lungs. He…

  • Poem: What’s Within

    I iron creases from a shirt and think about my skin: You see it creped and wrinkled; you don’t see what’s within. You see my shoulders rounded; you see my face is red; But you’ve got no idea what’s going on inside my head… I don’t want to do the ironing, wash the curtains or…

  • Come and see me on 30th August!

    If you’re in the Huntingdon area on Saturday 30th August, please do come and see me at Huntingdon Commemoration Hall. I’ll be there as part of the Huntingdon Alternative Fayre, selling my comedy fantasy books Gingerbread Children and Twicetime, plus poetry book Sticky Ends and possibly something new… It’s on from 10-4, entry is free…

  • Poem: Heavy Metal Hero

    I wanna be a heavy metal hero; I wanna front a hard rock band. I’m all done with rap And all that pap I wanna show I’m in command. I wanna wear my hair all long and greasy; Want it wild and thick and all that stuff. I want it blond or black, I want…

  • Poem: The Fancy-Dress Party

    We’ve just had a fancy dress party – our family and some of our friends – It was really quite funny to see the grown-ups getting dressed up and playing “pretends”. My grandmother came as a teabag, and grandfather came as a bat, And Daddy turned out as King Arthur, while Mummy dressed up as…

  • Poem: Building A Wardrobe

    My uncles came to stay with me when I got my new pad; They came to do some DIY for which I was quite glad. They put me up some pantry shelves and stood back with great pride; I watched as jars and bottles slowly slid down to one side. I bought a rotary washing…

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